3-PIES Law needed to"stop tossers in their sticky tracks"? FWD

Tom Boland (wgcp@earthlink.net)
Fri, 13 Nov 1998 21:23:49 -0400


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[Biotic Baking Brigade PIES SF Mayor Brown for city's Homeless Sweeps]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=3D/chronicle/archive/1998/11/=
12/MN8
3718.DTL
=46WD  San Francisco Chronicle  Thursday, November 12, 1998  Page A19


IT'S TIME TO BAKE UP 3-PIES LAW
RECIPE MUST STOP TOSSERS IN THEIR STICKY TRACKS

Ken Garcia


       Nothing like a little pie in the eye to help a person get in touch
with their feelings.

       This is apparently the point of the latest blintz-krieg to hit San
=46rancisco -- where members of a pie-carrying assault team have been
targeting politicos who aren't liberal enough for the local pastry
progressives.

       I don't need to get dolloped and assailed by a band of eco-warriors
to find my true inner self. It's time for a ``three pies and you're out''
law. The first supervisor who comes up with it gets left out of the next
round of civic stupidity columns -- though the brave soul will have to take
heat from the city's alternative weeklies, which get bored with simple
rules of order.

       As with most laws, ``three pies'' will have its share of
unintentional victims. There will be no sympathy for low-fat, organic
pastry crafters, who are clearly ruining society by making pies available
to vegans, tenant activists and others who feel they deserve a larger slice
of the pie when societal rules dictate smidgens.

       And the piemakers will not enjoy the five-day waiting period to sell
their wares -- which will be needed so security teams can scan the city's
soaring nutball population. There is not enough fruit filling to cover the
potential mayoral pie throwers in this town, so it's best to deal harshly
with the known tart hurlers now, before they sneak back into the kitchen.

       The cream puff activists who nailed the mayor over the weekend have
said they were committing an act of civil disobedience to ``humble and
humiliate'' His Eminence by placing a bio-organic cherry pie where his
fedora or crown is usually perched.

       Yet film of the event shows that the protesters' aim was only
slightly more crooked than their political views, which allegedly include
the sanctity of keeping homeless people in Golden Gate Park, a stance that
even tree-huggers might consider flaky. My own thoughts on this subject are
well known, which no doubt would make me a prime candidate to get doused
from the nearest dessert tray if only I made more public appearances.

       As it is, our less-than-humble mayor must be counting his caloric
blessings these days. That's because even though much of the fruit filling
missed Sir Willie, our pie-eyed activists managed to do the unthinkable --
make Brown look good at a public event involving the 49ers.

       I have on a few occasions tossed a prose pudding on the mayor's
shiny pate, and he generally has been slow to react. But in this case he
showed incredible quickness and panache in handling the whole sticky mess,
right down to perfecting his jackhammer move on one of the fallen pastry
zealots.

       One particularly misguided soul, Gerard Livernois, said he offered
up his tasty dessert to the mayor out of respect for the First Amendment
and for the environment, though what a spilled cream cherry topping does
for the environment remains a mystery to me.

       Livernois is apparently upset about the city's housing prices, which
he claim are forcing culinary artists such as himself into less-than-comfy
accommodations. Might I suggest that he practice his high-minded ideals in
a more affordable enclave such as Lodi?

       Clearly, the pie assault caught the mayor and his unsuspecting
throng by surprise, as it did Supervisor Gavin Newsom, who had to enjoy his
surprising second-place finish in the Board of Supervisors race last week
with just a hint of lemon filling under his nose after he got spackled by
the same band of baking lunatics.

       Newsom is one of the more right-minded thinkers in the city, which
no doubt is offensive to a group of lost lefties. He brushed off the pie
assault as an isolated incident until he viewed the attack on the mayor,
which he said was ``far more alarming as an observer than as a recipient.''

       ``I wish the whole thing had gone away, but now they've stepped over
the line,'' he said. ``It's not something that should continue. But I'll
let the mayor and his staff take the lead in dealing with them.''

       So it's time for the district attorney's office to drop all sugary
pretense and make these doughboys wish they'd never seen an all- natural
crust. If the city doesn't deal with it now, the supervisors' chambers
might become a veritable pie-tossing pit, and even a few progressive
spear-carriers might get their lapels creamed.

       That would result in chaos, which is even a bit too far left for San
=46rancisco, about as pie-eyed a place you can find outside of Berkeley.

END FORWARD
-
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receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. **

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[Biotic Baking Brigade PIES SF Mayor Brown for city's Homeless Sweeps]


http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=3D/chronicle/archive/1998/11/=
12/MN83718.DTL

=46WD  San Francisco Chronicle  Thursday, November 12, 1998  Page A19



<paraindent><param>right,left</param>IT'S TIME TO BAKE UP 3-PIES LAW

RECIPE MUST STOP TOSSERS IN THEIR STICKY TRACKS


Ken Garcia

</paraindent>


       Nothing like a little pie in the eye to help a person get in
touch with their feelings.=20


       This is apparently the point of the latest blintz-krieg to hit
San Francisco -- where members of a pie-carrying assault team have been
targeting politicos who aren't liberal enough for the local pastry
progressives.=20


       I don't need to get dolloped and assailed by a band of
eco-warriors to find my true inner self. It's time for a ``three pies
and you're out'' law. The first supervisor who comes up with it gets
left out of the next round of civic stupidity columns -- though the
brave soul will have to take heat from the city's alternative weeklies,
which get bored with simple rules of order.=20


       As with most laws, ``three pies'' will have its share of
unintentional victims. There will be no sympathy for low-fat, organic
pastry crafters, who are clearly ruining society by making pies
available to vegans, tenant activists and others who feel they deserve
a larger slice of the pie when societal rules dictate smidgens.=20


       And the piemakers will not enjoy the five-day waiting period to
sell their wares -- which will be needed so security teams can scan the
city's soaring nutball population. There is not enough fruit filling to
cover the potential mayoral pie throwers in this town, so it's best to
deal harshly with the known tart hurlers now, before they sneak back
into the kitchen.=20


       The cream puff activists who nailed the mayor over the weekend
have said they were committing an act of civil disobedience to ``humble
and humiliate'' His Eminence by placing a bio-organic cherry pie where
his fedora or crown is usually perched.=20


       Yet film of the event shows that the protesters' aim was only
slightly more crooked than their political views, which allegedly
include the sanctity of keeping homeless people in Golden Gate Park, a
stance that even tree-huggers might consider flaky. My own thoughts on
this subject are well known, which no doubt would make me a prime
candidate to get doused from the nearest dessert tray if only I made
more public appearances.=20


       As it is, our less-than-humble mayor must be counting his
caloric blessings these days. That's because even though much of the
fruit filling missed Sir Willie, our pie-eyed activists managed to do
the unthinkable -- make Brown look good at a public event involving the
49ers.=20


       I have on a few occasions tossed a prose pudding on the mayor's
shiny pate, and he generally has been slow to react. But in this case
he showed incredible quickness and panache in handling the whole sticky
mess, right down to perfecting his jackhammer move on one of the fallen
pastry zealots.=20


       One particularly misguided soul, Gerard Livernois, said he
offered up his tasty dessert to the mayor out of respect for the First
Amendment and for the environment, though what a spilled cream cherry
topping does for the environment remains a mystery to me.=20


       Livernois is apparently upset about the city's housing prices,
which he claim are forcing culinary artists such as himself into
less-than-comfy accommodations. Might I suggest that he practice his
high-minded ideals in a more affordable enclave such as Lodi?=20


       Clearly, the pie assault caught the mayor and his unsuspecting
throng by surprise, as it did Supervisor Gavin Newsom, who had to enjoy
his surprising second-place finish in the Board of Supervisors race
last week with just a hint of lemon filling under his nose after he got
spackled by the same band of baking lunatics.=20


       Newsom is one of the more right-minded thinkers in the city,
which no doubt is offensive to a group of lost lefties. He brushed off
the pie assault as an isolated incident until he viewed the attack on
the mayor, which he said was ``far more alarming as an observer than as
a recipient.''=20


       ``I wish the whole thing had gone away, but now they've stepped
over the line,'' he said. ``It's not something that should continue.
But I'll let the mayor and his staff take the lead in dealing with
them.''=20


       So it's time for the district attorney's office to drop all
sugary pretense and make these doughboys wish they'd never seen an all-
natural crust. If the city doesn't deal with it now, the supervisors'
chambers might become a veritable pie-tossing pit, and even a few
progressive spear-carriers might get their lapels creamed.=20


       That would result in chaos, which is even a bit too far left for
San Francisco, about as pie-eyed a place you can find outside of
Berkeley.


END FORWARD

- =20

** NOTICE: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is=
 distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in=
 receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. *=
*


HOMELESS PEOPLE'S NETWORK  <<http://aspin.asu.edu/hpn/>  Home Page

ARCHIVES  <<http://aspin.asu.edu/hpn/archives.html>  read posts to HPN

TO JOIN  <<http://aspin.asu.edu/hpn/join.html> or email Tom <<wgcp@earthlink=
=2Enet>

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