HUMOR: Privatize the US military!

Anitra Freeman (
Wed, 17 Feb 1999 00:06:33 -0800

I thought that the members of this list might enjoy this particular
rant from our Real Change resident satirist, Dr. Wes Browning:


Since there is such a good chance that the first US president of the
new millennium is one of the announced e-candidates [several Writers had
previously announced that they would run for President, with an email
campaign only] on this very list,
I would urge that you all take seriously my opposition to socialized
defense as outlined below. Thank you.

It really burns my buns that US taxpayers have to foot the bill for a
military that then turns around and defends all Americans without
regard for those who are really doing the paying.

I mean, who says every citizen should be defended *equally* by means
of high cost, high tech, military might?! It doesn't make sense. It's
big government at its worst, taking and taking and taking from those
who *work* *their* *butts* *off* to pay for those rifles and grenades
and torpedoes and bombs and cruise missiles, not to mention the
research and development that makes them possible, pay to train and
house and feed those recruits, and pay for the doctors (*not cheap!*)
to patch up those recruits when they have become wounded and transport
them back to work on the front-lines. Why should deadbeats and widowed
housewives and orphaned children reap the benefits of warfare?
Obviously, that's a rhetorical question: they shouldn't!

Therefore I propose that the US military, which really amounts to
*socialized* defense, be totally privatized.

Citizens should have the right to have their defense needs met by
agents in their direct employ. Laws need to be passed allowing for the
establishment of military corporations permitted to operate solely on
behalf of their shareholders and subscribers, and those whom their
subscribers explicitly name as beneficiaries, as provided by
appropriate contractual agreements, and contingent upon strict
adherence to a payment schedule. No deadbeats allowed!

The free market works. It works when it comes to selling frisbees. It
works in the jogging shoe business. It works when it comes to selling
kidney transplants, getting quality hookers, and deciding where the
Olympics should be held. Why then do people think that it can't work
in defense? It can, it has (Panama, Colombia, Fourteenth Century
Europe, Moldavia), and it may again, if we let it.

        (c) Dr. Wes Browning,
        WARNING! >>>>>>>> POET AT WORK! >>>>>>>> WATCH HEAD!

[end forward]

Write On!
Anitra L. Freeman, Dances With Dragons,
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