[Hpn] Fwd: THIS IS JUST TOO DAMN FUNNY . . .

unclescam unclescam@buskers.org
Wed, 10 Nov 2004 00:34:43 -0500 (EST)


--- Original Message ---
Date: 11/8/2004
From: "Jim Hinde" <folkbone@mindspring.com>
Subject: THIS IS JUST TOO DAMN FUNNY . . .


Dear All,

I don't usually send this kinda stuff out, but good God this is just too
damn funny.  I pasted it below, but if you want to go to the website
it's www.fuckthesouth.com/  I have no idea who wrote this or whose
website it is, but I think that this is a gem.

Kinda says it all.  Enjoy,

Hinde

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Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to
leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part
of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah,
those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal
Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The
Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers
you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think
they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your
assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to
read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those
wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking
blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think
there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our
backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell
and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American
selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you
think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking
blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their
fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier.
Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real
you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a
hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant?
What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't
think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be
American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for
your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes
to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority
electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time
Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want
to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish
keep it, it's a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking
orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It's your money, not the government's
money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get
the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go
on, guess. That's right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight
of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It's too
easy, asshole, they're blue states. It's not your money, assholes,
it's fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were
spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy
your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let's talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your
Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values
over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which
state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping
dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It's fucking Massachusetts, the fucking
center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that's right, the state you
love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has
the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that's just some
aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking
blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values
suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking
guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral
states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its
fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah?
Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little
bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you
do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at
election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday
morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority.
Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't
talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning,
hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too
busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings
paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest
murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,
federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou,
hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time.
Fuck off.