[Hpn] about losing someone whose words helped me- open letter

Harmony Kieding worldhome@thesociety.net
Wed, 27 Jun 2001 03:52:47 -0700


Am very sorry to hear one of your friends is dead. The vacuum that a loved person
leaves is so noticeable.
Not too long ago my friend Austin told me that a friend of ours, Barbara Musicant,
had killed herself. (Around June 14th)
"She was upset because I (Austin) was evicted and she had to move and she didn't
have enough money, or place to stay or practice started and she couldn't get
up the confidence or energy to do it.  I couldn't get her to stop beating herself
up.  She just went to sleep in her car with the exhaust turned on." 

So there's the loss of a bright, talented woman who was a licensed chiropractor.
She was worn out with stress, poverty, depression, and fear of homelessness.
I shall really miss her. And I hear you when you talk about your friend, too.

Love you,



>	Well I just got caught off guard, nothing new in that I guess but this! I
got a call earlier that I have to check out. One of my friends is dead. We didn
t have a lot of contact and we weren’t close in the sense that we were always
in each other’s lives but Gregory was one of those people who would talk with
me and inspire me. Life hadn’t been easy for him but it was good. Around here
most people knew Gregory Alexander as Yahoo the Clown. He earned his living
doing appearances and kid’s parties. I saw som
>	He found all the kids special and went way out for them without ever hesitating.
Gregory understood them because he had brain tumors and on his spine. They were
all inoperable and no one knew how long he had left. That he was still alive
was a surprise to his doctor’s. If you didn’t know about it you couldn’t tell
except for those days when he went for more endless tests or whatever new there
was to try. Yahoo was all these kids friend. His own life wasn’t easy besides
the cancer and it’s cost his home li
>ys over years is torture as far as I’m concerned. 
>	I missed the services, no one told me till today. Apparently last Wednesday
he went into the garage and hung himself. When the ambulance came he still had
a heartbeat but they weren’t able to save him. 
>	I met Yahoo thru Dee at the costume shop. He was in every week or two and
did any ordering for props through her. Mainly though they talked what they
had in common both being brain cancer patients. Well Dee is called a brain cancer
survivor, as her prognosis is fair even though she is expected to undergo more
operations in the future. In his case excepting a miracle the outcome was understood.
(And yes, most people didn’t call him Gregory: he was known as Yahoo!) (And
yes I did do the obvious joke that he
>	What shakes me is that he was one person I had thought having a handle on
it all. When I get to feeling like that I think of his strength against all
these “things” that wear at us – time for truth I mean ME. I tried to kill myself
early in being homeless but blacking out or whatever saved me. Sometimes in
side I get that way again and I fight against my own anger and despair. If he
could give in…well that scares me. I know that he was as they say, not in his
right mind because he was found hanging by one
> 	When Yahoo first came into the shop he was in his floppy awful multi-color
checked pants. White with thin red-pin stripping long sleeve shirt (pretty snazzy
to my tastes), wide red suspenders and green straw bowler. Working in a costume
shop you tend to not notice this as unusual. Either that or you can now form
your own assumptions about my taste – or lack there of – in clothing. So anyway
he reaches across the counter to shake my hand asking “Hi, guy! So you’re helping
Dee. Are you squeaky?” (Notice I 
>	I have no idea where the oilcan came from. No, not just ANY oil can but this
would have been the Tin Man’s love object or totem! I don’t think the railroad
used them that big! At least it wasn’t filled with oil. You guessed it, seltzer
water: my life as a running vaudeville act!
>	What I wouldn’t give to find out what I was told is somebody’s idea of a joke.
I’d even answer yes again knowing he had the oilcan on him. When I feel like
offing myself I’m going to think of the boy finding him an unintended consequence.
I’m going to think of how the news would affect my sister, my daughter and those
I love and care about me.
>	The other day Bonnie and Morgan were clearing up a misunderstanding they had.
There was mention of omelets and other wonderful things. Right now I am so close
to taking the Joemobile across country picking up Morgan and staging an invasion
of Canada with us dropping by Bonnie and Kerre’s. I’ll spring for the eggs and
other yummies as well as OJ. Though to tell the truth there is a part of me
that says OJ and tea sounds good but how about an added double jigger of scotch
or Hennesy’s?  Just me dreaming aga
>					 joe
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