[Hpn] RULES

chance martin streetsheet@sf-homeless-coalition.org
Mon, 29 Jan 2001 13:34:10 -0700


RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN IN 21st CENTURY AMERICA

    1)  You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity
         was due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and George
         Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault.

    2)  You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve
         success all on their own.

    3)  You have to be against government programs, but expect
         your Social Security checks on time.

    4)  You have to believe that government should stay out of
         people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only
         opposite-gender marriages and what your official language
         should be.

    5)  You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it
         makes a profit.

    6)  You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as people
         don't pray to Allah, Krishna or Buddha.

    7)  You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still
         virgins. 

    8)  You have to believe that women cannot be trusted with
         decisions about their own bodies, but that large multinational
         corporations should have no regulation or interference
         whatsoever.

  9)  You know you love Jesus and that Jesus loves you and that
         Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals,
         and President Clinton.

   10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing
         up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities,
         but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

   11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to
         spend $50  million dollars to attack Clinton because no
         other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

   12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a
         handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is
         an important concern for all Americans.

   13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of
         schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have
         condoms they won't have sex.

   14) You have to believe that the American Civil Liberties Union
         is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the
         National Rifle Association is good because they defend
         the Constitution.

   15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere,
         and that Europe doesn't exist.

   16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough
         to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting
         death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated
         about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

   17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting
         the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics
         of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and
         violence, is good reading.

   18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have
         killed more Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and
         tobacco. 

   19) You have to believe that even though governments have
         supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great
         works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our
         government should shun any such support.  After all, the
         rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

   20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent
         of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of
         those forests and the extinction of the several species of
         plants and animals therein.

   21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
         Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital
         infidelities,but that bastard Clinton should be impeached.

   22) You have to believe that the Federal Government should
         always respect the sovereign rights of the States to
         determine and define their own laws, except when you
         need to elect a Republican as El Presidente.

-- 
All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature,
compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire.
-- Aristotle

chance martin
Coalition on Homelessness, San Francisco
468 Turk Street
San Francisco, CA 94102
415 / 346.3740 - voice
415 / 775.5639 - fax
streetsheet@sf-homeless-coalition.org
http://www.sf-homeless-coalition.org