[Hpn] MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lucinda Houston lucy@efn.org
Mon, 25 Dec 2000 11:34:07 -0800


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Lucinda wishes you a Merry Christmas!!!

Macro Society issued its first (paid for) haircut certificate, dated =
today, and good for three months.  (and has in reserve several more =
"paid for" haircut certificates).

Macro Society has a real nice copying machine (not printer!)  (Now, what =
to do with it???)

Been very busy, social, work, and work, and the other kind of work.  =
(Work at work, work at business, work at home, and plenty of visitors =
occupying time and energies)

The following sent from co-director (Macro Society) Roy Breitenstein.

ECONOMIC CUTBACKS OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Effective immediately, the following economising measures are being
implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never
produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves
the French;

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine
who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of
Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have
negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into
other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills  and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity.
Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure
by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it
gets will be a good one;

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better
times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on
order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes,
thereby enhancing their outplacement;

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no
upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will
be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the
steps;

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the
expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee
to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While
leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant
as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case
of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a
cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will
drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete,  studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop
ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking
expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"),
a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should
that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow
White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.


The previous listing can be found at
http://webfusion.co.uk/santasgrotto/jokes.shtml

I hope you find this amusing as I did.


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<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>Lucinda wishes you a Merry Christmas!!!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>Macro Society issued its first (paid for) haircut =
certificate,=20
dated today, and good for three months.&nbsp; (and has in reserve =
several more=20
"paid for" haircut certificates).</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>Macro Society has a real nice copying machine (not=20
printer!)&nbsp; (Now, what to do with it???)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>Been very busy, social, work, and work, and the =
other kind of=20
work.&nbsp; (Work at work, work at business, work at home, and plenty of =

visitors occupying time and energies)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>The following sent from co-director (Macro Society) =
Roy=20
Breitenstein.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>ECONOMIC CUTBACKS OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF =
CHRISTMAS</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>Effective immediately, the following economising =
measures are=20
being<BR>implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" =
subsidiary:<BR><BR>1) The=20
partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never<BR>produced =
the cash=20
crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging<BR>plant, =
providing=20
considerable savings in maintenance;<BR><BR>2) Two turtle doves =
represent a=20
redundancy that is simply not cost<BR>effective. In addition, their =
romance=20
during working hours could not be<BR>condoned. The positions are, =
therefore,=20
eliminated;<BR><BR>3) The three French hens will remain intact. After =
all,=20
everyone loves<BR>the French;<BR><BR>4) The four calling birds will be =
replaced=20
by an automated voice mail<BR>system, with a call waiting option. An =
analysis is=20
underway to determine<BR>who the birds have been calling, how often and =
how long=20
they talked;<BR><BR>5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by =
the Board=20
of<BR>Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could=20
have<BR>negative implications for institutional investors. =
Diversification=20
into<BR>other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills&nbsp; and =
high=20
technology<BR>stocks, appear to be in order;<BR><BR>6) The six =
geese-a-laying=20
constitutes a luxury which can no longer be<BR>afforded. It has long =
been felt=20
that the production rate of one egg per<BR>goose per day was an example =
of the=20
general decline in productivity.<BR>Three geese will be let go, and an =
upgrading=20
in the selection procedure<BR>by personnel will assure management that, =
from now=20
on, every goose it<BR>gets will be a good one;<BR><BR>7) The seven=20
swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better<BR>times. The =
function=20
is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on<BR>order. The current =
swans=20
will be retrained to learn some new strokes,<BR>thereby enhancing their=20
outplacement;<BR><BR>8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept =
has been=20
under heavy<BR>scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the =
workforce is=20
being<BR>sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job =
with=20
no<BR>upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to =

try<BR>a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;<BR><BR>9) Nine ladies =
dancing has=20
always been an odd number. This function will<BR>be phased out as these=20
individuals grow older and can no longer do the<BR>steps;<BR><BR>10) Ten =

Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the<BR>expense =
of=20
international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee<BR>to =
suggest=20
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While<BR>leaping =
ability=20
may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant<BR>as we expect =
an=20
oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;<BR><BR>11) Eleven pipers =
piping=20
and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case<BR>of the band getting too =
big. A=20
substitution with a string quartet, a<BR>cutback on new music, and no =
uniforms,=20
will produce savings which will<BR>drop right to the bottom =
line;<BR><BR>Overall=20
we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, =
fowl,<BR>animals and=20
related expenses. Though incomplete,&nbsp; studies indicate =
that<BR>stretching=20
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop<BR>ship in =
one day,=20
service levels will be improved.<BR><BR>Regarding the lawsuit filed by =
the=20
attorney's association seeking<BR>expansion to include the legal =
profession=20
("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"),<BR>a decision is pending.<BR><BR>Deeper =
cuts may=20
be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should<BR>that happen, =
the=20
Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow<BR>White Division =
to see if=20
seven dwarfs is the right number.<BR><BR><BR>The previous listing can be =
found=20
at<BR><A=20
href=3D"http://webfusion.co.uk/santasgrotto/jokes.shtml">http://webfusion=
.co.uk/santasgrotto/jokes.shtml</A><BR><BR>I=20
hope you find this amusing as I did.<BR></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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